ivy_broom

Today is my birthday

Thu, 04 Dec 2008 17:31:47 GMT

It's my birthday today, and I turn 42.

The last couple of years I invited various people to gather in a central downtown location to eat, drink, and be merry. This year I started to feel kind of depressed as my birthday approached, and I thought, well hardly any of the people that I invited to my birthday last year have stayed in touch with me over the past year so maybe I will not do the same group gathering thing this year.

Instead I have been lucky and surprised enough to discover that various people have contacted me and arranged individual eat, drink and be merry events. I met with my brother and his beautiful ex-model girlfriend last night. We had dinner at Edward Levesque's Kitchen ( http://www.edwardlevesque.ca/ ), and they gifted me with truly unusual and exotic sweets, and a lovely bottle of port. I really enjoyed the evening, partly because with just the three of us, it was much easier to concentrate on our conversation and not worry that anyone was being left out. I've always done better with fewer people than I have with a large gathering so maybe this is the way to go...?

Tonight - my official birthday night - I am not entirely certain what will happen, but it may involve one of my friends, the movie Twilight, and some sort of dinner again (not sure where).

An old friend from University just called me this morning and I was totally surprised and touched that she remembered my birthday on her own and took the time to give me a call. She has suggested that we meet for lunch or dinner at some point soon.

Then there is the weekend - I gave into parental pressure this year, and I have consented to go out to Hamilton to spend Saturday and Sunday at my mother's house. Spending time with my mother and my father is definitely not one of my favorite things to do. It is often depressing, and highly stressful to be around them. Still, I go through these cycles where I avoid them and avoid them and avoid them until I start to forget how difficult it is to be around them, then I give in, get a reminder of how bad it is, and then go back to avoiding them again for another year or so. I'm not the only one in my family who does this - my brother and my three younger sisters have been boycotting our parents for many years now. Anyway, I think I should, perhaps, be grateful that I still do have both of my parents alive, and that they are interested in spending some time with me, and in celebrating my birthday regardless of how stressful the experience will be.

So, that's all for now. It's time to go and get ready to spend my afternoon walking dogs...

Fear of Death - After Death?

Fri, 14 Nov 2008 16:59:15 GMT

http://uhclem.livejournal.com/ wrote:

"A friend recently wrote me, saying, "Fear of death is the greatest fear. Do you believe it is an abyss? Have you thought of writing on this topic? I would love to see your thoughts and thinking process and I know no matter your position, it will be well thought out and thought provoking."

This is an interesting topic to come up at this time. We are in the time of Scorpio, and it is the time of death and dying in the Pagan Wheel of the Year.

I have been thinking about aging and my own fears of death a lot this past year. I fear the medications that I have to take are causing havoc and damage to my body and brain. I turn 42 this year and I can see and feel the changes in my aging body. I keep thinking back to when I was young and slim and fit and pretty. I think about how all the young people I pass on the street look so great, and how I may be starting to become part of the invisible middle-aged class.

The other day I was walking a dog in an affluent neighborhood and I was flagged down by a window washer/eavestrough cleaner looking for work "M'am! M'am! Do you need your eaves cleaned?" I didn't bother to explain that I didn't own a house so "no" and "M'am" Oh geez - only old women get called that right? I know all the things I'm "supposed" to know - intellectually at least - like as a Pagan woman I'm "supposed" to honor all stages of my life, from Maid, to Mother, to Crone. Well I skipped the Mother stage and it seems I'm going straight through to Crone and I'm not sure I like it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, wisdom and all that precious stuff -- "supposed to's" are easy until you actually "have to".

I have many regrets. I have made many decisions which have turned out in disastrous and disappointing ways. To the rest of the world my life may seem such a waste of time and effort. I don't use my graduate degree, or my undergraduate degree. I don't have a career. I am a financial ruin. I live on disability and walk a few dogs now and then. In the last year I have started to wonder as I lay myself down to go to sleep - what if I never wake up? What if there isn't a tomorrow for me?

But then I have also been doing some interesting reading lately. I've been reading about Wiccan spirituality, quantum physics, string theory, and black holes. According to Dolores Ashcroft-Nowicki & J.H. Brennan in _Magickal Use of Thoughtforms_ everything is interconnected. Everything gets recycled, and is never truly destroyed. Matter is made up of tiny little things that are both waves and particles. What you try to measure affects the way these tiny things manifest - either as particle, or wave. Everything is energy. There are spaces in between made up of nothing at all. Nothingness. The void.

Consciousness can create changes in reality - but only with a lot of great effort. The world as we know it may be Maya, and Illusion, but it's a stubborn sort of "reality", not subject to the doubts of a few. Phyllis Curott wrote: "Aleister Crowley said that magic is the science and art of causing change to occur in conformity with will. But I like Dion Fortune's version: Magic is the art of changing consciousness at will. Once you've changed your consciousness, you'll learn to change reality. That's what magic is." (p. 71 Bellona quoted by Phyllis Curott in Book of Shadows). This is what many modern day Witches believe, but it's not as easy as it sounds. Also to change this reality, it may take a great many people changing their consciousness, not just one or two.

Black holes are made when matter becomes so dense that it collapses in on itself from the excess gravity. If you go through a black hole you may end up in an alternate universe, or chose from several. The only problem is, your material body would not make it through the super pressure of the incredibly powerful gravity.

But what is your soul made up of? Is your soul merely a function of physical and mental consciousness, or is it made up of something (particle-wave) that might make it through the black hole and inhabit/take up a new form on the other side of the black hole in one of those alternate universes? Is this how reincarnation works?

All my life I've had amazing dreams that I have wondered if they were really dreams, or the flights of my soul through other universes, and other worlds. I've had experiences that would match the descriptions of astral travel. Sometimes I wonder if I have dreamed memories of past lives and/or alternative lives.

I don't have any solid answers, and I don't know what I believe for sure, but it's at least interesting to think about. This body is aging. It may become subject to disease or the accidents of misfortune at any time. One thing that is for sure is that this body is not immortal. My life will not continue as I have known it this far. All I can do is make the most of this life that I can, while I have it. I must accept these truths, and wait to see what happens next. What am I right now, and what will I be in the future - nothingness or wave-particles?

On Human Dignity

Sun, 09 Nov 2008 18:54:24 GMT

I came across this from a fellow Pagan in my inbox this morning. I thought it was very appropriate for me since I tend to be extremely hard on myself.

"If we are going to have any shot at achieving the miracle of treating everyone we meet with at least a strain of human dignity, we've got to start by treating ourselves with human dignity.

After all, how we treat ourselves is how we treat others.

The month of Scorpio is the perfect time to be reminded of this. We tend to be extra hard on ourselves under the influence of this energy. But at the same time, there is always a little poison in the vaccine. Meaning, if we can learn to be nice to ourselves, even when we are in the throes of self-hatred, we can inoculate ourselves against that inner critic for the rest of the year.

There is an amazing story of the Baal Shem the great 18th century who was once traveling through a town in which he was introduced to a wealthy man. The man invited the great sage to stay with him during his visit.

When he arrived at the man's house, the Baal Shem was very surprised to see that the man lived so modestly. Nowhere throughout his house was it evident that the man possessed great wealth. Even the meals he ate consisted of little more than dry bread and water.

The Baal Shem stayed with him for several days and on the third day he woke up and began screaming at the man. "Who do you think you are? Where is all of your wealth? Why do you live like this? Why do you eat stones? Why do you think the Light gave you all of this wealth?"

To this the confused man replied, "Well I'm trying to live modestly. I don't want my ego..."

After they departed one of the friend's asked him, "Why did you do such a thing? He was trying to tell you he was working on shrinking his ego, working on improving himself."

"If he eats dry bread and water what do you think he's going to give the poor to eat? He's going to give them sticks and stones. If this is the way he treats himself, how is he going to treat others! If he has the means to do so he has to treat himself in a very good way. This way he can treat others in a very good way as well."

Be nice to yourself this week. You have so many gifts from the Mother earth that were given to you so you could share them with others. The more you are patient and tolerant of your shortcomings and failures, the more your gifts will come out.

And the more your gifts come out, the better you will feel."

Eight Virtues of the Craft by RuneWolf

Sat, 08 Nov 2008 20:01:44 GMT

Holy smoke. Has it really been 8 weeks since I posted anything here? Wow. I am really slacking off in my journal.
Oh well...

Taken directly from "Eight Virtues of the Craft" by RuneWolf:

[B]Beauty: Not necessarily physical beauty, of course, but the appreciation and expression of balance, wholeness and harmony. Accepting each moment for what it is, and realizing the inherent beauty in the interplay of light and dark, pleasure and pain, life and death. In the individual, embracing and expressing the beauty and authenticity of one’s True Self and True Will.

Strength: Not merely physical strength or even “energetic” strength, such as chi or ond, but also strength of Will, belief, conviction and ethics. The strength to do and say the right thing, even in the face of severe consequences. The strength to be gentle, loving and calm in the face of tragedy, fear and aggression.

Power: A little out of order, as far as I’m concerned, because to me power is the synthesis and interplay of all the other virtues. But we’ll leave it where the Goddess put it!

Compassion: True and mature love for oneself and others, including our non-human brothers and sisters and the “inanimate” manifestations of Gaea. The deep sharing of another’s pain, the desire to relieve it and the willingness to put that desire into action.

Honor: “Say what you mean, mean what you say, do what you say you are going to do.” We often hear that “A Witch’s word is her bond.” Upholding that bond is honor. Being honest with oneself and others is honor. Living up to our commitments is honor. Living by the Rede, the Law of Return or whatever ethical system you embrace is honor. As the Asatruar say, “Reputation is what others say about you. Honor is what you know to be true about yourself.”

Humility: Being “right sized.” Humility is very much misunderstood in the West, and has been warped into a kind of neurotic and obligatory self-abasement by the misapplication of Abrahamic philosophy. Toxic or false humility – “Oh, it’s really nothing. I have no real talent for art!” – is a slap in the face of the God and Goddess who gave us our gifts! True humility is recognizing both our strengths and our weaknesses, and working to cultivate the former and transform the latter. True humility, I have often been told, is looking someone in the eye when they give you a compliment and simply saying, “Thank you.”

Mirth: “Rule 62: Don’t take yourself so seriously.” Mirth isn’t just about getting a case of “the giggles” in the middle of a ritual, nor about singing bawdy folksongs around a festival fire (although these are certainly aspects of mirth). Mirth is about finding and joining in the sheer joy of living, of laughing out loud at the way trees dance in the wind or guffawing at oneself when you realize you have just invoked “the Grateful Dead” instead of “the Mighty Dead.” It’s about realizing that The Joke is on everybody, not just on you, and that it’s a wonderful, blissful, eternal Joke, not a nasty one.

Reverence: Love, awe, respect and veneration for Life, the Gods and ourselves. Gratitude for all the gifts we have been given, and the heartfelt willingness to pass those gifts on to others.

These then, are my nominees for the “Eight Virtues of the Craft;” the short list, if you will. There are obviously other virtues and values that are important in living a decent and fulfilling life in the service of the Lord and Lady, but I can’t help but think, once again, that She wouldn’t have pointed these particular virtues out if She didn’t want us to consider them carefully. I shall be doing that very thing in the days to come.

May you always be beautiful and strong, powerful and compassionate, honorable and humble, mirthful and reverent.

RuneWolf

Afoot?

Fri, 12 Sep 2008 22:27:37 GMT

I just can't help it. I've got this quirky, silly, stupid sense of humor.
I have to watch it sometimes because sometimes my sense of humor
gets me into trouble, and even unintentionally hurts someone's feelings...
but I'm of the school of thought that one mustn't ever take anything
too seriously and...

Every time I see the saying "The Goddess is Alive, and Magick is Afoot"...

I want to say something like, why not two feet? why not an ear? a nose?
A little finger? a yard? a mile? an inch or a centimeter? Why just a foot?
How about Athlete's Foot?

I'm trying so hard not to laugh...snorting...snorting...I hate it when I snort...
oh somebody please stop me!!!

Precepts of Taliesin and Merlin from the Welsh Wiccan Tradition

Fri, 12 Sep 2008 17:53:56 GMT

I kind of like this:

"The Precepts of Taliesin and Merlin"
from the Welsh Wiccan Tradition

First: Labor diligently to acquire knowledge, for it is power.

Second: When in authority, decide reasonably, for your
authority may cease at the next moment.

Third: Bear with fortitude the ills of life you can do nothing about,
remembering that no mortal sorrow is perpetual.

Fourth: Love honor for it bringeth peace of mind.

Fifth: Abhor selfishness for it bringeth evil upon all.

Sixth: fight for the rights of the few that they may not be crushed by
the desires of the many, and look carefully at those in power and authority
that they are following the above six precepts.

Warriors of the Rainbow

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 16:49:50 GMT

The more I read about the terrible damage we have done to this planet, the more sick at heart I feel. Yesterday I read a discovery channel news report about how Dead Zones in the Ocean are multiplying and spreading everywhere - and they will soon be affecting ocean wild life in a way that we will really start to notice. No more shrimp, no more fish to eat, then maybe we'll be sorry...and maybe not, because there are so many of us who are short-sighted, ignorant, blind, greedy, and selfish. Reading what I've pasted below I wonder...doubtfully, and bitterly, whether there is really any chance for us to turn things around the way it says...

Warriors of the Rainbow - Native American Lore

There was an old lady, from the Cree tribe, named Eyes of Fire, who prophesied that one day, because of the white mans' or Yo-ne-gis' greed, there would come a time, when the fish would die in the streams, the birds would fall from the air, the waters would be blackened, and the trees would no longer be, mankind as we would know it, would all but cease to exist.

There would come a time when the "keepers of the legend, stories, culture rituals, and myths, and all the Ancient Tribal Customs" would be needed to restore us to health. They would be mankinds' key to survival, they were the "Warriors of the Rainbow".

There would come a day of awakening when all the peoples of all the tribes would form a New World of Justice, Peace, Freedom and recognition of the Great Spirit. The "Warriors of the Rainbow" would spread these messages and teach all peoples of the Earth or "Elohi". They would teach them how to live the "Way of the Great Spirit".

They would tell them of how the world today has turned away from the Great Spirit and that is why our Earth is "Sick". The "Warriors of the Rainbow" would show the peoples that this "Ancient Being" (the Great Spirit), is full of love and understanding, and teach them how to make the Earth or "Elohi" beautiful again.

These Warriors would give the people principles or rules to follow to make their path right with the world. These principles would be those of the Ancient Tribes. The Warriors of the Rainbow would teach the people of the ancient practices of Unity, Love and Understanding. They would teach of Harmony among people in all four corners of the Earth.

Like the Ancient Tribes, they would teach the people how to pray to the Great Spirit with love that flows like the beautiful mountain stream, and flows along the path to the ocean of life. Once again, they would be able to feel joy in solitude and in councils. They would be free of petty jealousies and love all mankind as their brothers, regardless of color, race or religion. They would feel happiness enter their hearts, and become as one with the entire human race. Their hearts would be pure and radiate warmth, understanding and respect for all mankind, Nature, and the Great Spirit.

They would once again fill their minds, hearts, souls, and deeds with the purest of thoughts. They would seek the beauty of the Master of Life -- the Great Spirit! They would find strength and beauty in prayer and the solitudes of life. Their children would once again be able to run free and enjoy the treasures of Nature and Mother Earth.

Free from the fears of toxins and destruction, wrought by the Yo-ne-gi and his practices of greed. The rivers would again run clear, the forests be abundant and beautiful, the animals and birds would be replenished. The powers of the plants and animals would again be respected and conservation of all that is beautiful would become a way of life.

The poor, sick and needy would be cared for by their brothers and sisters of the Earth. These practices would again become a part of their daily lives. The leaders of the people would be chosen in the old way -- not by their political party, or who could speak the loudest, boast the most, or by name calling or mud slinging, but by those whose actions spoke the loudest. Those who demonstrated their love, wisdom, and courage and those who showed that they could and did work for the good of all, would be chosen as the leaders or Chiefs.

They would be chosen by their "quality" and not the amount of money they had obtained. Like the thoughtful and devoted "Ancient Chiefs", they would understand the people with love, and see that their young were educated with the love and wisdom of their surroundings.

They would show them that miracles can be accomplished to heal this world of its ills, and restore it to health and beauty. The tasks of these "Warriors of the Rainbow" are many and great.

There will be terrifying mountains of ignorance to conquer and they shall find prejudice and hatred. They must be dedicated, unwavering in their strength, and strong of heart. They will find willing hearts and minds that will follow them on this road of returning "Mother Earth" to beauty and plenty -- once more.

The day will come, it is not far away. The day that we shall see how we owe our very existence to the people of all tribes that have maintained their culture and heritage. Those that have kept the rituals, stories, legends, and myths alive. It will be with this knowledge, the knowledge that they have preserved, that we shall once again return to "harmony" with Nature, Mother Earth, and mankind.

It will be with this knowledge that we shall find our "Key to our Survival".

Author unknown

Meditations on Spirituality

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 14:50:16 GMT

"Spirituality is simply the search for meaning in everyday life. True spirituality requires individuals to look within to find the source of all wisdom and knowledge. Our spirituality arises from our own personal relationship with God/the Universe, and not from our relationship with any religious institution." unknown author

Norse Rede of Honour - Ed Fitch

Thu, 07 Aug 2008 16:23:17 GMT

The Norse Rede of Honour

by Ed Finch

In all that you do, consider it's benefit or harm upon yourself, your children and your people.

All that which you do will return to you, sooner or later, for good or for ill.

Thus strive always to do good to others or at least strive always to be just.

Be honest with yourself and with others.

"This above all; to thine own self be true".

Humankind and especially your own family and folk have the spark of divinity within it.

Protect and nurture that spark.

Give your word sparingly and adhere to it like iron.

In the world, your first trust and responsibility should be to your own people.

Yet be kind and proper to others whenever possible.

What you have, hold.

Pass on to others only that which you have personally verified.

Be honest with others.

Let them know that you expect honesty in return, always.

The fury of the moment plays folly with the truth.

To keep one's head is a virtue.

Know which battles should be fought and which battles should be avoided.

Also know when to break off a conflict.

There are times when the minions of chaos are simply too strong or when fate is absolutely unavoidable.

When you gain power, use it carefully and use it well.

Courage and honour endure forever.

Their echoes remain when the mountains have crumbled to dust.

Pledge friendship and services to those who are worthy.

Strengthen others of your people.

They will strengthen you.

Love and care for your family always and have the fierceness of a wolf in their protection.

Honour yourself, have pride in yourself, do your best and forgive yourself when you must.

Try always to be above reproach in the eyes of the world.

Those of our people should always endure to settle any differences among themselves quietly and peaceably.

The laws of the land should be obeyed whenever possible for in the main they have been chosen with wisdom.

Have pride in yourself, your family and your folk.

They are your promise for the future.

Do not neglect your mate and children.

Everyone of our people should work according to the best that s/he can do, no matter how small or how great.

We are all in this world together thus we must always help each other along.

One advances individually and collectively only by living in harmony with the natural order of the world.

The seeking of wisdom is a high virtue.

Love of truth, honour and loyalty are hallmarks of the noble soul.

Be prepared for whatever the future brings.

Life with all its joys, struggles and ambiguities is to be embraced and lived to the fullest

Pagan Pledge of Spirituality

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 19:46:33 GMT

Pagan Pledge of Spirituality

I am a Pagan and I dedicate myself to channeling the Spiritual energy of my inner self to help and to heal others and myself.

I know that I am part of the Whole of nature. May I grow in understanding of the Unity of all Nature. May I always walk in balance.

May I always be mindful of the diversity of Nature as well as its Unity. May I always be tolerant of those whose race, appearance, culture and ways differ from my own.

May I use my psychic powers wisely and never use it for aggression or for malevolent purposes.

May I never use it to curtail the free will of others.

May I always remember that I create my own reality and that I have the power within me to create positivity in my life.

May I always take responsibility for my actions be they conscious or unconscious.

May I always act in honorable ways, being honest with myself and others, keeping my word whenever I have given it, fulfilling all responsibilities and commitments I have undertaken to the best of my abilities.

May I always remember that whatever is sent out returns magnified to the sender. The forces of Karma will move swiftly to remind me of my spiritual commitments when I have begun to falter from them. May I use this Karmic feedback to remain strong and committed to my Spiritual ideals in the face of adversity or negativity. May the force of my inner Spirit eliminate all malevolence directed my way and transform it into positive light. May my inner light shine so strongly that malevolence can not even enter my realm of existence.

May I continually grow in wisdom and understanding. May I see every problem that I face, as an opportunity to learn and grow and to develop spiritually.

May I act out of love for other beings on this planet -- to other human, plants, animals, mineral, elementals, spirits or other entities.

May I ever be mindful that the Goddess and God in all their forms dwell within me and that this divinity is reflected through my own Inner Self, my Pagan Spirit.

May I always channel love and light through my being. May my inner Spirit, rather than my Ego self, guide all my thoughts, feelings and actions.

So Mote It Be.

Copyright © 1960 Selena Fox Circle Sanctuary

11 Things Every Witch Should Know - P. Curott

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 00:16:29 GMT

I came across this list today and enjoyed reading it, so I thought I'd preserve it here in my journal...

Eleven Things Every Witch Should Know ~ Phyllis Curott

1. Magic is what happens when you open yourself to the Divine. All real magic is a manifestation of the Divine - it is how you co-create reality with deity.

2. The Divine is within you and is everywhere present in the natural world. And everything is interconnected by this sacred energy.

3. Wicca is not about information -- it's about transformation, so practice, practice, practice -- and do it as much as possible in Nature! Witchcraft enables you to commune with divinity and to manifest your destiny, your desires and your highest and sacred self.

4. The real ethics of how Witches live and practice magic are simple: Witches live in a sacred manner because we live in a sacred world. We therefore treat all of life with reverence and respect.

5. Because all magic flows from our connection to the Sacred, our lives and our magic, must be guided by the sacred nature of the energy with which we work.

6. The energy Witches work with is not neutral -- it is divine love.

7. Magic often works in unexpected way because it is not a mechanical process, and the Universe is not a machine. You are living and making magic within a divine, organic, living reality.

8. Witches don't command and control -- they commune and co-create.

9. The real secret of successful spellcasting, as with all of magic, is your connection to the Divine power that dwells within you, and surrounds you. And spells do work so be careful what you ask for!

10. Nature makes the Divine tangible. By working, living, and practicing your magic in harmony with Nature, you are in harmony with the Divine.

11. The ultimate teacher is the God/Goddess inside you and in the world of Nature all around you.

so busy!

Sat, 19 Jul 2008 03:23:42 GMT

I've been incredibly busy since joining the Sacred Mists. There is a ton of homework and many extension classes...I'm reading and reading and reading, and writing various essays like mad...I'm very comfortable with the online format, it's so much better for me than in-person stuff.

I think the hawks are gone from the nest. I saw a squirrel going in and out of it the other day. Also some tree surgeons were up and down the pine tree lopping off limbs. No new feathers, no sightings of any birds. :-(

Back to homework...

The Old Man Who Farms With The Sea

Fri, 11 Jul 2008 01:19:08 GMT

http://www.latimes.com/news/la-fi-seafarm10-2008jul10,0,3510042.story?page=2&track=rss

(Go to the webpage to see the photos)

Carl Hodges walks along a berm on a research plot where he grows salicornia and experiments with different planting and harvesting techniques. Hodges and his crew have flooded the plots with saltwater from the nearby Sea of Cortez. Carl Hodges is growing salicornia, a crop nourished by ocean water that holds the potential to provide food and fuel to millions.

By Marla Dickerson, Los Angeles Times Staff Writer
July 10, 2008
Tastiota, Mexico

A few miles inland from the Sea of Cortez, amid cracked earth and mesquite and sun-bleached cactus, neat rows of emerald plants are sprouting from the desert floor.

The crop is salicornia. It is nourished by seawater flowing from a man-made canal. And if you believe the American who is farming it, this incongruous swath of green has the potential to feed the world, fuel our vehicles and slow global warming.

He is Carl Hodges, a Tucson-based atmospheric physicist who has spent most of his 71 years figuring out how humans can feed themselves in places where good soil and fresh water are in short supply.

The founding director of the University of Arizona's highly regarded Environmental Research Lab, his work has attracted an eclectic band of admirers. They include heads of state, corporate chieftains and Hollywood stars, among them Martin Sheen and the late Marlon Brando.

Hodges' knack for making things grow in odd environments has been on display at the Land Pavilion in the Epcot theme park at Walt Disney World in Florida and the Biosphere 2 project in Arizona.

Here in the northern Mexican state of Sonora, he's thinking much bigger.

The Earth's ice sheets are melting fast. Scientists predict that rising seas could swallow some low-lying areas, displacing millions of people.

Hodges sees opportunity. Why not divert the flow inland to create wealth and jobs instead of catastrophe?

He wants to channel the ocean into man-made "rivers" to nourish commercial aquaculture operations, mangrove forests and crops that produce food and fuel. This greening of desert coastlines, he said, could add millions of acres of productive farmland and sequester vast quantities of carbon dioxide, the primary culprit in global warming. Hodges contends that it could also neutralize sea-level rise, in part by using exhausted freshwater aquifers as gigantic natural storage tanks for ocean water.

Analyzing recent projections of ice melt occurring in the Antarctic and Greenland, Hodges calculates that diverting the equivalent of three Mississippi Rivers inland would do the trick. He figures that would require 50 good-sized seawater farms that could be built within a decade if the world gets cracking.

"The only way we can stop [sea-level rise] is if people believe we can," said Hodges, whose outsize intellect is exceeded only by his self-assurance. "This is the big idea" that humanity has been waiting for, he believes.

With his trademark floppy hat, an iPhone wired perpetually to his head and a propensity to assign environmental reading homework to complete strangers, Hodges might be dismissed by some as an eccentric who has spent too much time in the Mexican sun.

"When I first met Carl, I thought he was a philosopher," said actor Sheen, a longtime friend.

Still, experts including Dennis Bushnell, chief scientist at NASA's Langley Research Center, say seawater agriculture could prove to be an important weapon in the fight against climate change.

Hodges has already built such a farm in Africa. Political upheaval there shut much of it down in 2003. That's why he's determined to construct a showcase project in North America to demonstrate what's possible.

All he needs now is $35 million. That's where salicornia comes in.

A so-called halophyte, or salt-loving plant, the briny succulent thrives in hellish heat and pitiful soil on little more than a regular dousing of ocean water. Several countries are experimenting with salicornia and other saltwater-tolerant species as sources of food. Known in some restaurants as sea asparagus, salicornia can be eaten fresh or steamed, squeezed into cooking oil or ground into high-protein meal.

Hodges, who now heads the nonprofit Seawater Foundation, plugged salicornia for years as the plant to help end world hunger. Do-gooders applauded. The private sector yawned.

Then oil prices exploded. Hodges saw his shot to lift his fleshy, leafless shrub from obscurity.

That's because salicornia has another nifty quality: It can be converted into biofuel. And, unlike grain-based ethanol, it doesn't need rain or prime farmland, and it doesn't distort global food markets. NASA has estimated that halophytes planted over an area the size of the Sahara Desert could supply more than 90% of the world's energy needs.

Last year, Hodges formed a for-profit company called Global Seawater Inc. to produce salicornia biofuel in liquid and solid versions. He lugs samples of it around in a suitcase like some environmental traveling salesman.

The enterprise recently planted 1,000 acres of salicornia here in rural Sonora, where Hodges has been doing preparatory research for decades. That crop will provide seed for a major venture planned 50 miles north in the coastal city of Bahia de Kino. Global Seawater is attempting to lease or buy 12,000 acres there for what it envisions will be the world's largest seawater farm.

The plan is to cut an ocean canal into the desert to nourish commercial ponds of shrimp and fish. Instead of dumping the effluent back into the ocean, the company would channel it further inland to fertilize fields of salicornia for biofuel. The seawater's next stop would be man-made wetlands. These mangrove forests could be "sold" to polluters to meet emissions cuts mandated by the Kyoto Protocol on climate change.

"Nothing is wasted," Hodges said.

Global Seawater already has a small refinery to process salicornia oil into biodiesel fuel, which Hodges believes can be produced for at least one-third less than the current market price of crude oil. Leftover plant material would be converted into solid biofuel "logs" that he said burned cleaner than coal or wood.

NASA is interested in testing fuel from Hodges' halophyte. So are cement makers and other heavy industries. Retired executives from some major corporations are so encouraged by the potential that they are helping Global Seawater raise capital and focus on generating returns for investors.

Fernando Canales Clariond, former Mexican secretary of the economy and member of one of the nation's most powerful industrial families, recently joined the board. "The world doesn't move because of idealism," he said. "It moves because of economic incentives."

Fellow board member Anthony Simon, former president of marketing for Unilever Bestfoods, put it more bluntly. "Carl is a wonderful scientist," he said of Hodges. But he "is a lousy businessman."

Hodges has sold assets and maxed out credit cards over the years to keep his seawater dreams afloat. But it's not for the prospect of a big payday. A lifetime of studying the Earth's ecosystems has convinced him that the planet is in peril. He's determined to help get things back in balance.

Driving through the sun-scorched Sonora countryside, he pointed to abandoned grain silos and crumbling concrete irrigation channels, tombstones of failed efforts at conventional farming.

"It's a dust bowl," Hodges said. "We're going to making it bloom again . . . with a new kind of agriculture."

Some environmentalists are dubious. Wheat and cotton flourished here until farmers pumped aquifers nearly dry. Shrimp aquaculture operations have fouled the Sea of Cortez with waste.

Channeling millions of gallons of seawater inland could have similar unintended consequences for fragile deserts, said biologist Exequiel Ezcurra, former head of Mexico's National Ecology Institute. "We have had catastrophes in the past, so we have reason to be concerned," he said.

Hodges says his project has met all environmental requirements posed by Mexico. The biggest catastrophe, he said, would be to do nothing in the face of climate change.

"My father once told me, 'Carl, there is a special place in hell reserved for fence sitters.' "

The son of a horse trainer, Hodges grew up around racetracks. His dad once traded their Phoenix home for some thoroughbreds, moving the family briefly into a shed.

A stomach for risk-taking landed the young scientist in the top spot at the Environmental Research Lab in 1967 at the age of 30. There he decided that farming must be adapted to utilize saltwater, which accounts for 97% of the world's water supply.

His team's work on shrimp cultivation fueled the explosion in Mexico's aquaculture industry. The leader of Abu Dhabi sent his lab $3.6 million on a handshake to build a saltwater greenhouse system for growing vegetables in that arid emirate. Brando took a shine to Hodges after meeting him at an environmental gathering in the late 1970s. The reclusive star hosted the wonky scientist several times at his private island retreat of Tetiaroa in the South Pacific, an area especially vulnerable to sea-level rise.

"Marlon understood global warming," Hodges said. "He thought we were running out of time."

Hodges' model for the Mexico project is a seawater farm he designed for the government of Eritrea, an impoverished, bone-dry East African nation perched on the Red Sea. Opened in 1999, the farm consisted of ocean-fed ponds of shrimp and fish, whose waste was used to irrigate 250 acres of salicornia that the Eritreans converted into animal feed. A 150-acre mangrove wetland provided habitat for wildlife.

Political upheaval crippled the operation. But at its peak the farm generated hundreds of jobs and turned famine-prone Eritrea into a modest exporter of shrimp. Video footage of the endeavor shows a lush oasis of green in the desert.

"It was a miracle," said Tekie Teclemariam Anday, an Eritrean marine biologist who now works with Hodges in Mexico. "People viewed him like a messiah."

Whether Hodges' Big Idea wins a wider group of converts remains to be seen.

NASA's Bushnell says seawater agriculture has enormous potential. He praised Hodges' science as "superb." Still, he said algae might ultimately prove to be the best plant-based biofuel because it can produce much more fuel per acre.

Hodges is "a pioneer," Bushnell said. "But first-movers generally aren't the successful ones at the end."

Hodges contends that all manner of renewables are needed to wean the planet from its oil addiction. Still, his talk of stopping sea-level rise and reinventing agriculture is so audacious that some of his own backers have cautioned him to tone it down.

But longtime friend Sheen says Hodges isn't likely to. "We have to be outrageous in our efforts to solve" climate change, the actor said. "Carl is on a mission to save the world."

marla.dickerson@latimes.com

The Horses by Edwin Muir (a poem)

Thu, 10 Jul 2008 15:57:56 GMT

The Horses

Barely a twelvemonth after
The seven days war that put the world to sleep,
Late in the evening the strange horses came.
By then we had made our covenant with silence,
But in the first few days it was so still
We listened to our breathing and were afraid.
On the second day
The radios failed; we turned the knobs; no answer.
On the third day a warship passed us, heading north,
Dead bodies piled on the deck. On the sixth day
A plane plunged over us into the sea. Thereafter
Nothing. The radios dumb;
And still they stand in corners of our kitchens,
And stand, perhaps, turned on, in a million rooms
All over the world. But now if they should speak,
If on a sudden they should speak again,
If on the stroke of noon a voice should speak,
We would not listen, we would not let it bring
That old bad world that swallowed its children quick
At one great gulp. We would not have it again.
Sometimes we think of the nations lying asleep,
Curled blindly in impenetrable sorrow,
And then the thought confounds us with its strangeness.
The tractors lie about our fields; at evening
They look like dank sea-monsters couched and waiting.
We leave them where they are and let them rust:
'They'll molder away and be like other loam.'
We make our oxen drag our rusty plows,
Long laid aside. We have gone back
Far past our fathers' land.
And then, that evening
Late in the summer the strange horses came.
We heard a distant tapping on the road,
A deepening drumming; it stopped, went on again
And at the corner changed to hollow thunder.
We saw the heads
Like a wild wave charging and were afraid.
We had sold our horses in our fathers' time
To buy new tractors. Now they were strange to us
As fabulous steeds set on an ancient shield.
Or illustrations in a book of knights.
We did not dare go near them. Yet they waited,
Stubborn and shy, as if they had been sent
By an old command to find our whereabouts
And that long-lost archaic companionship.
In the first moment we had never a thought
That they were creatures to be owned and used.
Among them were some half a dozen colts
Dropped in some wilderness of the broken world,
Yet new as if they had come from their own Eden.
Since then they have pulled our plows and borne our loads
But that free servitude still can pierce our hearts.
Our life is changed; their coming our beginning.

Edwin Muir

Insomnia and Flashbacks

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 05:53:31 GMT

I hate not being able to lie down and fall blissfully asleep. I feel so frustrated when I turn out the lights and my brain won't shut down or give me a rest. My brain seems to love reliving painful past events over and over and over again. It's torture! I tried really hard today to focus more on the positive side to things, but it just wasn't enough. I've been trying not to sink down into my personal abyss. But no matter how hard I try to stay light and upbeat, my inner darkness keeps seeping through. I keep remembering how terrible things were all the times when my life has fallen apart...which has happened more than once, and many times I have lost things that were important to me. There has been a lot of chaotic upheaval to my life, and very little stability and security. The times when things are comparatively quiet, I don't trust it. I keep expecting more disasters to occur, more losses, more heartache and heartbreak, more having to start all over again from scratch. I keep remembering how horrible I felt the last time this happened when I first got back from the US and had no really safe or decent place to live for several months. It was 8 or 9 months before I was approved for disability support which gives me just over $900.00/month, and before that I had to survive on the $500.00 per month that welfare gave me.

All the while I was mourning the loss of my beloved pets and many keepsakes that can never be replaced such as childhood photographs, gifts people gave me, all my expensively framed diplomas and dean's list awards, all my research work, all my class notes, years and years worth of personal journal records going back to my early adolescence, all my prized A graded research papers, two vehicles (a car and a pickup-truck), furniture, my extensive library collection of books, clothing, jewellery, the list goes on and on and on...And perhaps worse than that, I lost all the self-respect I had built up over the many years I spent working so hard in University. I blamed myself, I felt like I was a terrible, terrible person, I was freaking out about how much money I owed in Student Loans and not being able to imagine ever repaying them, how I wanted people to like and respect me but I felt like they all thought I was a very bad person for being stranded in the US, for having dropped out of school and not knowing which way to turn, or what to do, or having no home to go back to in Canada, for not being able to figure out a solution or make a decision...I was so frozen, so stuck, so unable to solve the problem...and this is only part of what my brain keeps returning to and replaying.

Things that happened many years ago, during my childhood, during my teens, during my runaway years, the years I worked as a sex-trade worker, all these terrible things I keep remembering, I can't escape going over every single miserable thing I've ever lived through. It's anxiety attack after anxiety attack, an endless onslaught of emotional pain, wave after wave of it. Its times like these that I really hate myself and there's no escape from roasting in my own hell.

I try to meditate. I try to relax. I try to visualize positive things, healing things...but my brain is so stubborn it keeps slipping out from under my attempts and going back, back, back again and again and again like a tongue touching a toothache over and over. Yes, that hurts, yes, it still hurts, yes it's still there, ouch! Ouch! Ouch! No it's not going away. I wish sometimes that I could rip out these pieces of my past and throw them down a deep dark hole, so I never have to see them or remember them or feel them again. I blame myself for everything that ever has happened to me and I hate myself for making all those mistakes. I am ashamed of myself. I can't trust myself...and I can't trust that I won't make more mistakes and hurt myself again the way I have so many times before. I can't even control my own brain with visualization, meditation or relaxation techniques that everybody swears work.

PTSD and things I can do for myself

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 22:50:53 GMT

O.K. Let's see how I'm doing today.

I made myself get my yoga mat down from the shelves, and took out a Denise Austin DVD and did a 20 minute Pilates-Yoga session.

Yay me! This felt like a really important step for me to take. It's been a long while since I've been able to make myself do this even though I know all the stretching is so good for my stiff, aching joints and my horrible burning Sciatica.

I want to make it one of my goals to do 20 minutes of Yoga/Pilates/Bellydancing (I have Bellydancing DVD's too) each day on top of my walks around and up and down all the neighborhood hills with the dog I look after. My body needs this. My mind, my emotions, and my soul needs this. It's really not a lot of time out of my day, I do feel better after doing it, so why do I make excuses not to?

While I was out walking today I tried very hard to remember to breath slowly and deeply, to relax my tense, hunched up shoulder muscles and drop my shoulder blades back, and stand up straight. It's hard being in my body, but I need to take advantage of the opportunities given to me each day to take better care of myself and fight off my PTSD.

Yesterday when I went out in the back of the apartment building to check on my garden a couple of the women who have become gardening buddies with me told me that we had had a recent break-in episode in our building. The really scary thing is that the person doing the breaking in actually lived in our complex and was the father of a newborn child to a young girl in our building. Apparently he jumped up onto the big yellow metal tube that runs around the outside of the second floor and was caught climbing into the living room window by the stewardess living in the apartment. She had just got out of the shower. She only lives two doors down from me. She called the police but the guy ran away. While she was making her report to the police outside, someone *else* called in to report that they had seen the same guy breaking into one of the condos next door to our apartment building! The police caught the stupid idiot. After telling me this story the ladies both mentioned that I was looking very pale and strange in the face. I caught myself feeling all floaty and dissociated so I excused myself and went and did some weeding, watering, and trimming of my herbs. I felt better and more grounded after doing that.

I took some chives, sage, basil, thyme, oregano and lavender inside with me. I rinsed everything carefully and divided my harvest into separate plastic bags to keep fresh in the refrigerator. I made some whole wheat pasta, heated up some olive oil (gently) in a pan and tossed in some chopped up tomatoes and a bit of the herbs (not the lavender). I sprinkled on some Romano cheese, a bit of sea salt and fresh pepper and voila, I had a lovely dinner mostly from my own wonderful little garden! I froze some of the extra, and put a little in the fridge for lunch today. I thought it was even more savory eaten cold the next day than it was hot last night! Making the effort to take care of myself this way is so worth the time.

I have to say it was an absolutely lovely feeling working with a sink filled with fresh, green energy-filled herbs. I felt like I had a roomful of soft-voiced, gentle little ladies all gathered together in the kitchen with me, smiling, supportive, and caring. Holding the herbs lightly in my hands as I ran the cool water over them gave me a very soft, sweet natured energy vibe. I felt so thankful, so grateful, and so relieved to be in their presence after the scary jolt I got from hearing the news about the guy trying to break into women's apartments here in the building.

I tied my bundle of lavendar together and slipped it into the pillow case of the pillow I keep behind my back when I type. It smells so clean and fresh! What a wonderful blessing it is to have my herb garden! It takes so little to make it thrive, and it gives back so much. :-)

A New Sleep Phobia

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 02:37:43 GMT

Over the last year or so I've had a new fear develop. Taking all the medications that I do for my various mental health problems I've become quite concerned about the cumulative toxic effects of the drugs on my aging body. I've had some bad reactions and rare side effects to different drugs which gave me (and my doctor) some scares. Lately, more and more often I've noticed that I have a new fear added to the list of things I worry about when I'm feeling anxious. Falling asleep has been a big challenge for me the last few years. Now, as I get myself ready for bed I find myself worrying that something will happen while I am asleep and I won't wake up. The horrible thing is that I often don't see other people for days and days at a time, sometimes a week or more, and no one would miss me. I'd be lying dead in my apartment with my poor cats wandering around for who knows how long. Yikes. This new worry makes falling asleep even more scary for me than usual. Sometimes I lie there listening to the sound of my blood pulse through my body, feeling the heartbeats, and wondering about the mystery of how it all works, and how easily something could go wrong...

But Summer has only just started!

Sat, 05 Jul 2008 17:46:59 GMT

I have such a hard time accepting that although
the warm, fertile, growing season has only *just*
started, at the very same time we have to recognize
that it is a short season, and it is a time to prepare
ourselves for the next long, cold, dark season
close upon it's heels. I feel like I just
got over all that snow and ice and bitter cold, let
me enjoy this! Let me revel in it! I don't want to
think about winter coming back right now.
But it's like the Yin Yang symbol, within each side,
the seed of the opposite is always there at the
center, waiting.

_Lughnasadh_
(from "Mind, Body and Spirit cards")

"The Corn King gives his life for the land,
We toast his sacrifice with ale in our hand,

And eat the bread, from the harvest made,
As sheaves of corn to the Earth are laid.

Transformation surrounds us,

The harvest turned to food and drink,
Now is the time to learn and to think,

Of what we can do to grow even stronger,
As the summer recedes and nights grow longer,

We share our rewards and bless the Earth,
That brings our fruitful abundance to birth,

May our well-earned bounty reward our toil,
As we harvest the seed and the grain from the soil."

Update

Sat, 05 Jul 2008 00:41:33 GMT

Let's see, I'm bleeding like a banshee. Do banshee's bleed? Unlikely since they are spirits. Anyway it's a relief and a horrible pain all at once. Maybe I feel like screaming like a banshee...that's more like it. Yeah. I talked to my mother before she went away on her two week trip to some artist's colony. She says all my symptoms sound just like hers when her menses started to stop, and this happened to her around the age of 40. I'm 41.

(Hey, the epsom salt bath I took a few days ago really did make a noticeable difference in how I felt...I definitely felt "lighter", and "cleaner" in a strangely indescribable but pleasant way. The strawberry essential oil however was a mistake - my pain was so bad I felt nauseous, and the smell of strawberries wasn't helping any! I won't do that again under those circumstances.)

I am finally registered on Sacred Mists, getting oriented (wow, what a huge series of websites!), I have already submitted my introductory questionaire and I am about to start on the first official lesson, then going to join a Book Reading Club (I've actually got the Sea Priestess sitting on my shelves and haven't read it since like the 1980's), and I am perambulating about all the extension classes and various boards, sampling here, sampling there, like a kid in a candy store. Just because I've been on the pagan path for many years doesn't mean I can't start at the beginning again and learn more. The learning never ends...and it's an organized way to test and evaluate what I do and don't know and what I need to fill in. I'm not much good at in-person group thingys, so I'm hoping that joining the on-line community will allow me to have that safe "distance" I need, while also not being completely solitary and isolated.

I haven't seen my hawks all week, or any feathers at all. I sort of feel like I've been abandoned! wah! :-(

I saw an absolutely breathtakingly gorgeous cardinal male in the back yard today instead. Bar none, cardinals are just my absolute favorite birds, from their beautiful appearance to their lovely, sweet, bell-clear song.

The little cocker spaniel has been especially nervous this week. I was wondering about it today when I suddenly remembered that his owner had mentioned taking him down to see the Canada Day fireworks on Tuesday night and how terrified he was at all the noise and the crowds of people. Sometimes people are just so dumb about things -- of course his poor neurotic dog would not be happy under those circumstances - he should have known that I think! Anyway...I hope little Shake N' Bake starts to relax sometime next week. He won't even take a treat from me after his walk this week ... that's always a bad sign when he does that.

I've been working a bit at a time on my book, developing some very strange supernatural Japanese characters indeed! Fascinating cultural stuff!

The weekend is here. Down in the US it's the fourth of July. Up here, it's just a mild summer weekend - a nice enough reason to celebrate on it's own.

Last weekend was the Pride parade. Plenty of celebrating was done then or so I heard. I was busy scooping cat poop all weekend.

That's all for now...

Quote of the Day #289

Thu, 03 Jul 2008 14:40:03 GMT

This came through one of the email lists I belong to:

"So-called "global warming" is just a secret ploy by wacko tree-huggers to make America energy independent, clean our air and water, improve the fuel efficiency of our vehicles, kick-start 21st-century industries, and make our cities safer and more livable. Don't let them get away with it!"

- Chip Giller, founder of Grist.org

The dark cloud of hormonal depression

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 19:54:10 GMT

I managed to walk the dog...just barely. It was hard trudging down the street feeling like a sweaty, overblown up balloon. My cramps got worse and worse the farther I walked. Even worse, a dark cloud of depression began to roll through my body and mind, sucking the energy out of me physically, mentally, and emotionally. I'm home now, and I feel like I'm surrounded in a heavy black sludge. I forced myself to run a hot bath full of epsom salts, sea salts, and a few drops of strawberry oil (I find the scent of strawberries to be uplifting and comforting). I visualized a chakra cleansing exercise from the bottom up and out. I visualized the nastiness swirling down the drain as I let the water out. Now I'm moisturized, annointed with some extra strawberry essential oil, and in a very loose and comfortable nightgown. I am dragging myself around...finally back on my futon. I don't know if I even want to do therapy on the phone. I wish I could just sleep through this, but I am out of Clonazepam. The Midol doesn't even touch the cramps when they are this bad. Right now my entire life seems incredibly depressing...and I'm sure it's all because of the cramp pains and the hormones.

finally!

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 17:03:21 GMT

One thing I was waiting for finally arrived - my period which was due two Sunday's ago. Of course all the symptoms are three times as bad as normal so I don't plan to do anything too strenuous today. I have therapy but I plan to do it over the phone. I can't get out of walking the dog, but we won't go too far and I will try to minimize the amount of hills we go up and down the best that I can.

Mint Tea and other lovely summer things

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 18:51:54 GMT

Today is "Canada Day". Lots of people have the day off to celebrate being Canadian. I don't have anything planned for today.

This morning I went out to sit in the sun on the porch the tenants share in the back of the apartment building. I checked on my tomato and hot pepper plants, and all my herbs. Everything seems to be growing very well. I'm going to have to get tomato cages and some netting to protect them at some point soon. My mints have sprouted up like crazy. I have spearmint, apple mint, and chocolate mint so far. (I'm considering possibly adding a pineapple mint sometime over the next few weeks...depends.) My true favorite so far is the chocolate mint. I decided to trim back the long gangly stems and let the multiple small leaves have a chance at growing out. When I was done I had a huge overflowing handful of mixed mints so I took it all inside and brewed a massive pot of fresh mint tea. YUM! It's refreshingly lovely and so nice on my tummy which has been quite upset for about four days now. (I am officially 9 days overdue for my period as well...Menopause...And yes, I've got horrible night-sweats as well).

I also ran into my apartment-gardening friend (I still can't remember her name) who came out to have a smoke and to talk on the phone with one of her many children. This particular "child" (all her kids are adults) is still out in Nova Scotia and is trying to keep the absent mother's extensive heirloom garden going. The ex-husband still owns and lives in the N.S. house but isn't interested in maintaining the garden. Apparently she has a great peach tree, and a couple of male and female kiwi bushes that are growing like gangbusters out there. She says that everyone told her the kiwis wouldn't grow or produce in N.S. but they are miraculously doing so in her garden!

While we were chatting, talk turned to her fledgling sewing business "Roadkill Designs" (children's clothes made out of used, recycled clothing found in charity stores), and then some friends of hers who are into Shamanism and alternative healing therapies. I happened to have my favorite Tarot deck with me in my bag, so I brought the cards out and let her go through them and pick out some that appealed to her. She was sincerely fascinated, and seemed pleased with my interpretations of the cards. She said they were very appropriate to what was going on in her life (this often happens when people get a chance to chose their own cards).

I was so NOT surprised when one of her very favorite cards was the Empress. She is *such* a natural Earth Goddess in her own right. I think she has 5 - 7 children of her own, multiple grandchildren, and she is very connected to the earth, growing things, and animals (even insects) as well. I always enjoy reading for people who are open to it, and who seem to get something out of it. I really appreciate feeling like I've made an authentic connection, and that I've been able to help someone see their life in a deeper, wider, or more helpful manner in some way.

Anyway, I've been enjoying getting to know her a little at a time here and there. I really do hope that we continue to get along and don't suddenly become enemies or anything like that. That would really spoil things.
We got to talking about sewing things and I mentioned I'm hoping to sew myself some witchy outfits, lovely big loose cotton robes, and a couple of nice capes. I have a decent sewing machine which I've been using, but she said she has a serger and would be pleased to help me. I didn't even know what a serger was until she showed me what it does (by showing me the hem on her own skirt). Very cool.

While we were talking we both enjoyed listening to a male cardinal sing his sweet, bell-clear song. It made us both smile in delight.

After drinking some of my mint tea I just might walk down to spend an hour or so on the beach. It's a gorgeous summer day. It seems a shame to waste it by hiding indoors.

LATER THAT DAY...

The Beach was actually jam packed full of people and totally not relaxing to visit. Luckily, a good friend of mine from University days here called me up and came to visit me. She was sweet enough to take me out for dinner and for a couple of very pleasant laid back drinks. It was really super nice to see her and spend some time talking together. I was so very glad she called and decided to come visit me! What a wonderful unexpected surprise!

There were supposed to be fireworks last night, but between my TV and my AC I was able to ignore all the fuss. Fireworks don't make me happy, they remind me of war.

WAITING, waiting, waiting...

Fri, 27 Jun 2008 16:06:54 GMT

Today is Freya's Day, otherwise known as Friday. I've been waiting to hear back from Sacred Mists all week. Sigh. The registration info was mailed on Saturday. I knew it might take as long as two weeks for the mail to go from Canada down to California. Still, waiting is hard when you are looking forward to something to start. Then once something starts, I might regret it, or be disappointed. It's hard to be someone who is never quite satisfied.

In the meantime I've been reading _Progressive Witchcraft_ by Janet Farrar and Gavin Bone. I've always liked the books that Janet and Stewart wrote before Stewart died. The partnership of Janet and Gavin works just as well, if not better. As I am reading I keep going "Yes! I've thought that before, or I've put those ideas together before, but I don't remember any other witches or Wiccans around me thinking that at the time. Finally, someone who is confirming what I've been thinking for a long, long time!" I feel like running out and buying several copies of the book and handing it around to everyone I know to read saying, "You want to know what I think about witchcraft and Wicca? Here you go, read this!"

Yesterday I was talking to my friendly fellow apartment gardener out back and she mentioned that someone she knows in our building is looking for a dog-walker for her French Bulldog puppy. I gave her my card, and I'm waiting to hear from the girl. Apparently she is a rookie cop and works shift work. Interesting. Waiting, waiting, waiting...

After I walk the cocker spaniel today I have to spend today, tomorrow and Sunday cleaning up at the Russian Blue cattery. I was short $ this week so my friend advanced me the money I will be earning this weekend...and he said if I want to make extra moolah, there's plenty of house-cleaning to do as well. I do want to make the extra money, it seems like I never have enough, and I'm always running short...but I've got one problem...

I've been PMSing horribly for well over a week now. I was due this past Sunday, so I'm nearly a whole week overdue now and my body can certainly feel it! I'm bloated, I'm crampy, and I'm aching all over. I can't wear any of my silver rings because my fingers are like sausages. So, cleaning at the cattery is not going to be fun this weekend (when is it ever fun really?) with all this physical discomfort. I'd better stock up on Midol. All the gallons of homemade raspberry herbal iced-tea I've been drinking are NOT helping by the way. More waiting, waiting, and WAITING! *Why* is everything about waiting this week? Wahhh! (Yikes! Is this the start of Menopause? I'm rarely ever late.)

I continue to watch the hawks up in their nest. Yesterday I'm pretty sure I saw not only one of the parent's heads, but also a fluffy white chick's head! I was just thrilled! I still don't know what type of hawk these birds are, but odds are that they are Redtails since they are the most common to be seen around the city. Yet another area where I am WAITING to find something out.

Tap, tap, tap, fidget, fidget, fidget...frown (oops don't frown - wrinkles!) ...sigh...tap, tap, tap...

Another Wednesday

Wed, 25 Jun 2008 17:00:39 GMT

It looks like it will be a beautiful, bright, sunny day today. However, the weather forecast predicts periods of sun and some thunderstorms. This seems to be the pattern for most of this summer's weather so far. I take an umbrella with me every time I go outside now even if it's bright outside when I leave.

Regarding my bird watching activities, I'm pretty sure that the parental birds which keep arriving and leaving the nest in the pine tree are some kind of hawk, possibly Red-tail. They are so fast, it's really hard to get a good look at them. They are also elusive when on the nest, rarely allowing me a decent look at their heads through the binoculars. I can tell that the beak is a hawk's beak at least. Their heads also seem fairly pale in colour, with some very light reddish areas towards the shoulders. There are several different colour morphs where the Red-tail is concerned, but there is also the fairly rare Ferruginous Hawk which is quite pale in colour as well. I will keep looking every day. Hopefully I will get lucky before the season is over and they migrate away.

Speaking of birds, I roasted another organic chicken on Monday and I just finished canning another batch of organic roasted chicken broth. This version has a lot less vegetables in it (just onions, garlic, carrots and potatoes). The broth is much more clear than the first batch I made which was really chock full of veggies, and it is less strong tasting as well. I divide the meat up into several small ziplock baggies and freeze it for making small one-person meals later.

My herb garden is enjoying all the rain, and I guess we must be getting enough sunlight because everything is growing nicely. My newest additions are Apple Mint, Thai Basil, four potted hot pepper plants, and eight potted tomato plants. The next time I get some more pet-sitting/dog-walking money I will have to buy some cages, and some protective netting. The squirrels and raccoons are obnoxious pests. They will take one bite out of several tomatoes and just leave the spoiled fruit when they don't like it. Protective netting is a must with annoying marauders like that lurking about.

I am still waiting to hear from the College of the Sacred Mists, but I am not surprised that I haven't heard from them yet. Canadian mail is twice as slow as American mail, so it will take several days for my registration info to get out of Canada. Once it finally hits the American mail it will take just a couple of days. In the meantime I have been busy researching meaningful names and narrowing my choices down to one that I will use just for Sacred Mist activities. I don't want to join and find that I share the same name with five or ten other people. Its like showing up at a party wearing the same thing someone else is wearing. Ooops! There must be something like five thousand "Ravens", ten thousand "Morganas" or "Morrigans" and so on. Ho hum.

I've been painting my Paul Borda statues again with my Testor paints. I go at this project a little at a time every few months. Each time I get closer and closer to being happy with the way they look. I've got a great wall plaque of Odin on Sleipnir which I've done in light blue, grey, white, silver, black and red. I've got a great altar set of the Lunar Goddess in blues and silver and greens, Lugh the Sun God in gold, yellow, and red, the triple goddess candle holder, and the Green Man, Horned Hunter candle holder, as well as an ivy-entwined altar pentacle. Bit by bit I've been rebuilding my altar...I'll never be able to replace all the treasures that I had to leave in the US when I had my break down...and it will take *years* and *years* to build everything back up again...but slowly, slowly year by year I have been making snail-like progress.

O.K. well I guess that's all for now. I have the dog to walk, and a psychotherapy appointment this afternoon.